I've had the privilege of helping hundreds of individuals during
their divorces over the past two decades, as a mediator, business
valuator and divorce transitional support advisor. Over the years, I've
heard and seen it all (or at least it seems that way).
Interestingly, I hear similar stories and have drawn some conclusions about certain issues that seem to adversely impact the strength of one's marriage. By no means am I a psychologist or expert in that realm, but hearing the same refrains time and again from a wide variety of clients has given me insight into common mistakes that undermine many marriages.
It was a mistake in the first place
We all have an inner voice that tries to give us a heads' up before we make bad decisions. Call it gut instinct or something else, but the inherent sense that something isn't quite right from the get go is a very real phenomenon. Surprisingly, many people have that sense of foreboding before ever tying the knot, yet the go ahead anyway. Perhaps to please other family members, or to spite them or to avoid an uncomfortable social situation. Still, listening to your inner voice when it's trying to tell you something is always a very good idea. Failing to listen virtually guarantees that the little bumps along the road of married life (which we all have) will turn into insurmountable mountains that will eventually turn into divorce.
Ignoring the warning signs
No marriage is perfect. But sometimes little things are signs of deeper issues. And ignoring those little things allows a situation to grow until divorce seems like the only answer. A marriage is like any living thing. It requires care and attention to thrive. If you start seeing signs or unusual behaviors in your spouse, getting to the bottom of things early on might save your marriage. Burying your head in the sand virtually guarantees divorce.
Failure to communicate
I've saved this one for last, because it is the most important. Every married couple has disagreements now and again (some more than others). Anyone who claims otherwise is being dishonest. Not every disagreement has to be a knock-down, drag out fight, but conflict is natural in every relationship. And marriage is no exception. However, successfully married couples understand how to resolve conflict before it festers into an uncontrollable situation. The key is discussing things right away and avoiding the buildup of resentments. The old adage "never go to bed angry" exists for a reason. That logic works.
Interestingly, I hear similar stories and have drawn some conclusions about certain issues that seem to adversely impact the strength of one's marriage. By no means am I a psychologist or expert in that realm, but hearing the same refrains time and again from a wide variety of clients has given me insight into common mistakes that undermine many marriages.
It was a mistake in the first place
We all have an inner voice that tries to give us a heads' up before we make bad decisions. Call it gut instinct or something else, but the inherent sense that something isn't quite right from the get go is a very real phenomenon. Surprisingly, many people have that sense of foreboding before ever tying the knot, yet the go ahead anyway. Perhaps to please other family members, or to spite them or to avoid an uncomfortable social situation. Still, listening to your inner voice when it's trying to tell you something is always a very good idea. Failing to listen virtually guarantees that the little bumps along the road of married life (which we all have) will turn into insurmountable mountains that will eventually turn into divorce.
Ignoring the warning signs
No marriage is perfect. But sometimes little things are signs of deeper issues. And ignoring those little things allows a situation to grow until divorce seems like the only answer. A marriage is like any living thing. It requires care and attention to thrive. If you start seeing signs or unusual behaviors in your spouse, getting to the bottom of things early on might save your marriage. Burying your head in the sand virtually guarantees divorce.
Failure to communicate
I've saved this one for last, because it is the most important. Every married couple has disagreements now and again (some more than others). Anyone who claims otherwise is being dishonest. Not every disagreement has to be a knock-down, drag out fight, but conflict is natural in every relationship. And marriage is no exception. However, successfully married couples understand how to resolve conflict before it festers into an uncontrollable situation. The key is discussing things right away and avoiding the buildup of resentments. The old adage "never go to bed angry" exists for a reason. That logic works.
To learn more about how a Divorce Transitional Support
Advisor can help you or your client regain financial stability after a
divorce, please visit our website at http://www.divorcetransitionalsupportadvisor.com.
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